Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
