So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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