i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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