Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bring money and cleavage
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Drake has all the answers
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
