I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
