I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
