Can i not drive my cunt home
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
