Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize