Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
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