so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
