How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
