perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize