I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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