jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
