I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
