i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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