My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
this hospital has no fireball
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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