mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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