Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
