I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
