Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
