ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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