My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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