omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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