Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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