Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
