and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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