google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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