Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
