I want you more than these girls want KFC
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
