would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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