i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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