That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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