walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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