As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't think brook has ever known best
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
