Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
