You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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