I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
