even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
