I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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