you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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