when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
