I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My ass is underappreciated
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
