Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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