why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
