Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
