Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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