I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
