Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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