Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize