There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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