I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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