I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize