I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
