My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
