In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
