So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
