The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize