i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
