I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
