Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
