There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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