I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
