Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
