Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
