the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
