Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
