I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize