If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The uberlube is also flammable
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
