And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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