I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
