And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
