So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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