I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
