The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
