Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
