I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
