I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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