and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
