I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize