My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
