how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
