He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
