Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
