Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
