I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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