I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
there is glitter all over my balls
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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