my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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