I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
