Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
