pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
