No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
