He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
