I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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