I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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