sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
