I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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