are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize