If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
