you guys were way drunker than both of me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
