I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
