i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
