It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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