i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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