I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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