do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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